This week has been a winding road. My anger, retaliation, aggressive side, is really wanting to show its self. I am feeling a desperate need to judge and change someone I love.
Today, I am forcing myself to really examine just how I am LETTING others habits, thoughts, actions, judgments affect me within my own life. In order to release myself from my ego self (angry, judgmental, aggressive, etc. self) I have to go deep, examine my true deep self, acknowledge and INTENTIONALLY release my ego. My own ego is honestly what is causing my temporary unhappiness and holding me hostage from my peace of mind (AND creating more negativity and karma...).
My heart is huge. It loves large. This means I hurt large. I get very angry when people I love are hurting large because of someone else. I feel helpless. It hurts me to not be able to "save" them from what I believe 'doesn't have to be'. BUT... that is MY reality in MY mind.
The much deeper REAL TRUTH is... everyone is walking this earth to learn their own lessons, experience their own growing process. They are feeling, thinking,living, breathing, dealing, judging within their own earthly "reality" and learning their lessons at their own pace.
It is truly in everyones best interest for me to accept what I cant change. For me to Free myself, and them, of what isn't even mine to change!
The choices others make, no matter how hurtful towards others, is their own journey, their own lessons and karma. How myself and others who are being affected; how we process through this hurt, powerlessness , anger... is our INDIVIDUAL 'reality'. It is our Individual lessons we are living through presently from our own past karma as well as creating our own Individual future karma. We are connected and learning from each other, but we are also experiencing and learning on individual levels in individual ways.
I am starting to really grasp how this cycle works. I am understanding how everything might FEEL catastrophic...but really isn't. I feel in a sense blinds are slowwwly lifting.
What this earthly "reality" is... really isn't.
I am slowly understanding these lessons will continue happening within my own life until they are dealt with in higher perspective through ongoing love, compassion and understanding. As each of us as individuals journey on; our relationships, circumstances, experiences and cycles will change as we change. The impact between negative or positive, what we attract back to us, comes from within us.
I am understanding a lot, but have a ways to go in actually DOING.
“Every man must decide whether he will walk in the light of creative altruism or in the darkness of destructive selfishness.” ~ Martin Luther King Jr.
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